First off things have been busy and time consuming. My high school is performing the musical Oliver which sounds like it's going to be pretty fun! A lot less stressful than last years Pippin.. I'm not going to get into that one.
Last week my grandpa was going in for bypass surgery. Everyone was scared it would be the last surgery and that the doctors had nothing left to work with in his body. He has just had bad health since the plane crash he was in many years ago.
The surgery took longer than expected so there was some worrying. Then he was in a coma in the ICU. It was a game of sit and wait. Another update came that he was able to respond to the doctor by the "If you can hear me squeeze my hand". But he was still not able to breathe on his own none the less talk. My dad went to the hospital the next day to at least go see him on the way home from work. The next day he had to go back into surgery to fix some things. Everything was starting to look brighter and that he'd make it through another surgery! The doctors were slowly taking him off all the sedatives and such because they didn't know what kind of pain he would be in if they took him out too fast. He was still having some other issues besides his heart but the 'rollercoaster' felt like it was coming to an end, exhausted and now able to just relax! The ride was over and everything was going to be back to normal! The doctor made the decision to finally sew his chest closed (they left it open so if they needed to go back in they could easily). As they were examining their work. BAM the rollercoaster wasn't over. It was the turn you weren't expecting. Scared and fearful for your life you just hope it would be over just around the corner. My uncle had called the house and told my dad to get to the hospital to which he took off with out more than a few words. My grandfather was having problems in surgery they had found blood clots in his lungs. They tried removing some before closing him up. But they were the only things holding his lungs together. The bleeding was uncontrollable. My grandma (really my step-grandma but known as grandma my whole life) was grateful that my grandpa's sons were there to help make decisions. Even though they were unanimous at making choices it still felt more comforting with other people to back you up. They were able to resuscitate him but they couldn't do anything else for him. When my dad and I saw my grandpa the week before he went into surgery he knew that he expected to never come out alive. He never wanted to live as a vegetable. He would never want to depend on people to do everything for him. He knew that my grandma would be OK and that she would have plenty of help with everything. They made the unanimous choice to un-plug him. With in 20 minutes he was gone.
At 9:02pm yesterday my father called and my mom picked up the phone. My mom said, "okay," and hung up. I was sitting in my room here at the computer doing my daily things online. I never heard my mom walk back to her desk and I heard some squeaking whimpering noises (like my dog would make when she has seizures when she gets too excited). I knew instantly that something wasn't right. I rushed in hot-faced to see my mom sobbing. I never like seeing people cry and I don't know how to react. This would come to be my first real experience with death. My other grandpa didn't really mean much to me and I was only 7-8 years old when he died. The closest I've come was the first day of 6th grade when my gerbil had a stroke and died in my hands. But it wasn't human. It didn't affect the lives of other people.
My dad didn't come home until almost midnight last night. I had just gone to bed and heard his truck pull in. I didn't see him until dinner time today. I just couldn't get myself to go to school. I needed to but I knew I would break down and I wouldn't have the people to talk to. Don't get me wrong I love a lot of people at this school! But, their are groups of people that are just complete asses. Excuse my french but that's the only way I can come to say it. If I could be in classes where I liked all the people and could talk to them about thing like this I would have gone. But being in remedial classes (you're either a genius or stoopid are the options for classes and AP is just too much for me) so being remedial you're stuck with many other remedial people (or less than remedial) if I cried in class they would probably make fun of me and I wouldn't be in school for a week atleast. My classes are so boring and slow that I have way too much time to think about sad things that I would break down. I did myself a favor by not going to school today. I kept myself busy all day by cooking and cleaning and paying attention to the dogs. It felt nice that I didn't feel as bad as last night.
Tomorrow is a BIG rehearsal for Oliver starting at 8am going until 4pm. But these are the people I love in the pit. I'm going to have a fun time and it'll boost my spirits a bit. This death was such bad timing in my life. Oliver opens next weekend and rehearsals are getting more like run-throughs. I need to be at these rehearsals. The visitation is Monday so I'll have to miss rehearsing and Tuesday's the funeral which I have the option of being a pallbearer with the other some 10 grandchildren of my grandfather. I should do it but I'm not very fond of the fact of pushing my dead grandfather to his grave. But I think I'll just have to be brave and do it because I know he would want me too. I have a feeling that my cousin (only blood related cousin) are going to be willing to do it. Some of the other girls might be too emotional and scared like I am. I understand. I don't feel very sad but once you start talking about him and asking things about him I start getting choked up and if other people cry while talking about him I can't help it but I try to hold it back.
I need to get up early and I think I've gotten everything out. I just need to find some clothes for next week.
This week is going to take foreverrr...
Wrestling Matches
11 months ago
